Friday, April 03, 2009

Insurance Claims - The New Lottery Winners?

I just received a phone call from an Indian guy called Gupta (I kid you not) from Accident Insurance Pty Limited, their Claims Department in Mumbai no less. I'm sure he doubles up as MicroSoft's support in Mumbai during his spare time. And as a Vodafone support person in faraway places. (Like Oz.)
"Mr. Norman Docker? We have now authorized your claim." Saith he in a very strong Indian accent.I cannot repeat this accent in the written word Dear Reader, you understand.
"Mr. Docker passed away some years back." Saith I. (BTW Norman Docker was my wife's father, and a thoroughly hard-working decent man who sadly passed away many years back.)
"Mr. Docker (without missing a heartbeat), all we need from you is your bank account details and we can expedite the money to you." Saith he.
"Which claim was this?" I'm now obviously interested. Methinks I could share this loot with my family, and my cousins in far-flung places, like Perth AU, KY, TN, PA, FL, Wales, Canada and Tristan Da Cunha.
"The one which you claimed after your accident in 2007. That is why our Insurance Company is called Accident Insurance."
"Oh, I remember now. Please can you send me a check."
"But Sir, it would be a lot easier if we sent the money directly to your account. After all, £1,800,000 is a lot of money, and there are many things you could do with that money. Please to give me your account details now, and I will have the money in your account within a few seconds, and there is no commission charge."
"Ah, there's the rub, Gupta, if it takes a mere few seconds, it ain't kosher is it sunshine. A nano-second I can believe. Go shove your grapefruit up your varicose vein." (There was an article in the papers today about why women on birth-control pill should not eat grapefruits.)
I don't know why, but he hung up on me. So rude.
Here endeth today's lesson.