Monday, July 20, 2009

Golf, the EU and Metrics

You will, dear reader, be in no doubt of my hatred of metric measurements. They're fine in those countries where they have been used since Adam was a lad, but not in the Queen's Realm. After all, wasn't she known as Her Imperial Majesty? Her Metric Majesty doesn't have the same ring to it does it. It was therefore bliss to watch golf yesterday. Now I'm not a fan by any means, but to hear distances being quoted in yards, feet and inches was bliss, without having to try to work out what some plonker on Formula 1 meant when he said something about 30 centimeters. And why did the Brits do this? To appease the European Union, which is about as democratic as a game of Russian Roulette, and there's no Union about apart from the French and the Germans trying to rule everything. Those EU idiots have recently spent another fortune looking into how to get the UK to convert to driving on the right. The idea is that cars from say 2020 would have to be built with the steering on the left to make it easier to transition to the other side of the road a few years later. These are the same clowns who decreed some years back that bananas and cucumbers would have to conform to a certain shape (almost straight), but they have recently announced they are relaxing this edict as it will be better for the environment not to have to throw good food away.
We now have liters over here, but consumption figures are mostly quoted in miles per gallon. Some newspapers have already done away with horse power and torque in pounds/foot and substituted Kw and Nm. None of the 'new' numbers bear any relation to previous numbers, so the poor punter who wants to buy a car, has to have a degree in arithmetic to work out what things are.
I wonder how long will it be before the EU attack golf. Can you imagine Peter Alliss saying something like, "this is a seven thousand, two hundred and thirty two point thirty-eight centimeter Par 4 hole." And would they have to change the number of holes from 18 to something that's a factor of 10? And why did they choose 18 holes in the first place? Because a fifth of whisky (fifth of a gallon) would last 18 holes if the player had one 'shot' of whisky per hole - there are usually just under 18 shots in a fifth. Thanks goodness the Americans do not 'do' metric. The Canadians do, but I'm not sure if the majority of the population understand it any more than I do.
Another aspect of watching and listening to golf is some of the comments are priceless. Peter Alliss said yesterday that one player washes his balls in hot water for two hours before a game as his balls become easier to handle.
On that note, here endeth today's lesson.