On Metrication

Dear Readers
Those of you who know me will be acutely aware that one of my 'most hated things' is metrication. In my view, there is nothing wrong with feet and inches. Thankfully, the US has not succumbed to this stupidity as Canada and the UK did many moons back. But I saw a worrying matter in Lowe's the other day. Some plywood was measured as 5.0mm x 4' x 8'. Now how stupid is that? It's actually supposed to be 1/4 inch, but if my translator is to be believed, 5.0 mm is 0.19865 inches. It has to be said that many of my Canadian neighbors here in Florida confirmed to me that they do not understand metrics and still use the 'old ways'. The same goes for the UK, before you ask.
Be that may, in an effort to understand metrication, I've decided to help my older friends by metricating some every day expressions/well known phrases etc. In this world of political correctness, I'm sure you'll all appreciate this. Please feel free to add.
Al Jolson's song, 'I'd walk a million one-point-six-one kilometers for one of your smiles'.
'Give him a 2.54 centimeters and he's take a million one-point-six-one kilometers'.
In Cockney rhyming slang, to say that something has been stolen is to say it is 'half inched' - pinched. So now it is 'one-point-two-seventh centimeters'.
The bits at the end of my legs (bottom half) should now be called '30.48 centimeters'.
I'm sure you get the gist of it....
Here endeth today's lesson.